Thursday, January 19, 2006


My friend called me today to tell me about a weird dream she had last night, it’s a political dream. She saw all our friends being killed one after the other because they were discussing politics. And she was so afraid because she is a journalist and she writes about the Lebanese youth and their political activities. And in the dream she called me to tell me about our assassinated friends and how they died and to warn me not to speak about politics with anyone, so I would not face the same fate. But she was afraid of being killed after this call. Despite some funny details I find that this dream very interesting and it reflects the tacit fear that we are facing everyday. In fact the recent developments in Lebanon are spreading terror among us and fear of a new civil war.

This fear is stronger then the one our parents witnessed on the eve of the first war and that because they didn’t know then what they where going to face. But a person that has experienced war fear it more then a person that has never lived it. Personally I can’t stand the idea that the war could start again. During the civil war I was still a child and we had to move every week and eventually we traveled to France. And when the war ended we returned. When we were back every time I saw the destroyed buildings in downtown I cried. I remember how we used to dance me and my brother when we hear the gun shots and how I always cried because my mom won’t let me go out to see the bombs with my father when he went out to the balcony. Now I look back at this period and ask myself how my parents survived. I know that I can never live again under these conditions. But are all Lebanese like me, are they ready to do everything to avoid a second war. I know that most of them deep inside hate war, but they are not aware that their actions could lead them to a new war. They say that every 15 years Lebanon must have a war but that is true only if the Lebanese don’t change. If they still feel hatred towards Lebanese from other confessions if they are still unable to discern between a party and a religion or a community.

In fact I’m afraid if a new war regenerates in Lebanon I will lose all my confidence in this country and in the Lebanese people and I will join the five million Lebanese living outside the country.